Becoming My Own Therapist: Why I’m Choosing a Path Beyond Traditional Therapy

Hey there,

Yoela here. Happy Saturday! Time to grab your coffee, or something a little stronger, because we’re about to dive into the rabbit hole that’s been on my mind: personal growth for CEOs.

Spoiler: I think we need to flip the script on therapy and executive coaching.

I’ve been on the hunt for an executive coach, and... well, it’s been a wild ride. Picture this: Tony Robbins wannabes on a yacht, power suits so flashy they’re blinding, and networking with raved about "connections" that felt more like a series of painfully awkward first dates. It was like I was browsing for a personality cult, not an actual coach. So, I’m wondering—are we totally missing the point here? And if you know me, you know I ask that question all the time.

Here’s the thing: all our lives, we’re told we need a neutral third party to help us through the tough stuff. Not your partner, not your mom, not your best friend—someone “objective” to guide you through life’s mess. Because a stranger “should” know better given their lack of bias. But what nobody mentions is that the so-called "objectivity" comes with a price tag.

I’ve done the therapy thing. Spent hours unpacking my past, my baggage, my insecurities. And half the time, it felt like I was moonwalking backwards before I could even think about stepping forward. All reflection, zero action. And as an impatient pragmatist, let’s just say I never quite found the proof in that pudding.

Then there's executive coaching. It's all motivation and inspiration, pushing me towards action and "homework." But it often skimmed over my internal battles, the patterns, the real reasons why I might be stuck. It was all action, no reflection.

I even tried an experiment with a friend of mine who’s now in tech but used to be a Psychiatrist—like, the real-life "Wendy Rhoades" from Billions, working with hedge fund managers. For years, he’s been preaching the wonders of micro-dosing and ketamine to “unlock” your full potential. Naturally, I was a little hesitant. So, over a weekend, he suggests, “Let’s try it without the extras.” Fast forward to Wednesday afternoon, and there I am, fully prepared for his unknown process in Newport Beach.

After a few hours, he was surprised at how confident and secure I was with everything he threw at me. His only feedback? That I might struggle to connect with my subconscious because my “practicality and common sense might limit my ability to dream.” I couldn’t help but laugh—seriously, is that even a problem? 😅

This quest for growth and expansion led me to an unexpected realization: perhaps the answer doesn’t lie in finding the perfect expert. Instead, it’s about surrounding myself with peers who are navigating the same challenges and building my own framework to become my own best therapist.

I've started experimenting with this approach over the last few months. I meet regularly with a group of other executives, not to network or to "add value" in the traditional sense, but to be real with each other. We share our struggles, our victories, our doubts. It's raw, it's sometimes uncomfortable, but it's real.

This isn’t about completely rejecting therapy or coaching; it’s about understanding that what I’m seeking isn’t a simple if-else solution, and it doesn’t always come from the usual places. Sometimes, my most profound insights come from a late-night chat with a peer who truly gets it, not from a formal session in a therapist’s office or a Zoom call with a coach.

Here's what I'm learning: the key to my real growth isn't about finding the perfect expert to guide me. It's about building a toolkit of mindsets and processes that work for me.

One of the most valuable tools I've developed is what I like to call my "decision-making framework." It’s a series of questions I ask myself when I'm faced with a tough choice:

1. What's the worst that could happen, and can I live with that?

2. How does this align with my core values and long-term vision?

3. Am I making this decision out of fear or out of hope?

4. If my best friend were in this situation, what would I advise them?

5. How will I feel about this decision a year from now? Five years from now?

6. What are the potential benefits if I go through with this?

7. How would I feel if I let this opportunity pass me by?

8. Is this decision reversible, or am I committing to a one-way street?

9. What patterns have I noticed in my past decisions that could inform this one?

10. Am I seeking advice from the right people, or just those who will tell me what I want to hear?

These questions help me cut through the noise and make choices that are right for me.

Another transformative practice I’ve embraced is what I like to call “reverse mentoring.” I regularly connect with younger entrepreneurs—those who are just starting out or navigating career transitions. Their fresh perspectives and unbridled enthusiasm often shed light on my own challenges. It’s a great reminder that wisdom doesn’t always come with age; sometimes it’s just a matter of looking at things through new eyes and with a sprinkle of youthful optimism.

Recently, I had an experience that really drove home the importance of helping others find their own path. I’ve been running an experimental group with a few women in their 20s, focusing on creating what I call a "life roadmap." It’s all about designing your life across various categories—personal relationships, family, business, passions, and community—over the next five years. Think of it as a product roadmap, but for your life, complete with clear milestones. Sure, pivots are encouraged along the way (because life loves a good plot twist), but creating tasks with deadlines allows for some solid decision-making. It’s like data gathering for your life—try it out, see what works, and pivot if needed. Here’s the template in its clean, zero state. Let me know if you'd like the full version!

And then with a roadmap come sprints:

Do I follow every sprint and action point perfectly? Not a chance. Do our teams always hit deadlines? Definitely not. Do I still live life with a healthy dose of spontaneity and a ‘we’ll see what happens’ attitude? Absolutely. So yeah, no need to be a perfectionist or stress out. But I do believe, “a goal without a plan is just a wish” and I’d rather not rely on pure luck.

One of the young women I’ve been mentoring shared she’s aiming to become the CFO of an investment bank within the next five years. At first glance, that goal sounded impressive, but something didn’t quite sit right. As we dove deeper into the process, crafting vision boards and setting milestones, a different story began to emerge. It became apparent that this aspiration wasn’t truly her own; it was shaped by her boyfriend’s ambitions, reflecting his background. What she really wanted was to immerse herself in art, travel, pick up the piano again, and explore ways to blend curation, painting, music, and illustration with financing creative projects.

That was a lightbulb moment for both of us 💡. Here was this incredibly talented young woman on the verge of pursuing a dream that wasn’t even hers. By going through this process and genuinely examining her desires, she carved out a path that resonated with her true passions. This experience reinforced a belief I’ve held for a while: the most valuable thing we can offer someone isn’t always answers, but rather the ability to ask the right questions. It’s about creating a framework for self-discovery instead of imposing a one-size-fits-all solution.

Is this approach messy? Absolutely. Is it sometimes uncomfortable? You bet. But that's where real growth happens. It's in the moments of discomfort, in the conversations that question our assumptions, in the relationships that push us to be better, that we find our true path forward.

So here’s my challenge to the status quo: instead of searching for that elusive perfect coach or therapist, what if we focused on cultivating meaningful connections with our peers and developing our own frameworks for growth? What if we created environments where we could openly share our struggles and aspirations without judgment? By doing so, we empower ourselves to become our own best therapists, guiding our journeys with insight and authenticity.

I’m still trying to crack the final code on this whole personal growth thing, and I’d love to hear your thoughts! How do you tackle your own journey? Have you stumbled upon any quirky alternatives to traditional therapy or coaching that actually work for you?

Let’s keep this conversation going! After all, isn’t that what real growth is all about? 🤗

Until next time,

Yoela